FTV Disney's The Hunger Games

FROM THE VAULT

With a new school year comes new methods of procrastination. One of my personal favorites is staying up all night talking to my friends about topics that would seem dumb to anyone else (I mean, that's why we're friends, right?) Something my friends and I frequently discuss is, if for some reason there was a Hunger Games in the Disneyverse, who would win? This topic has gotten me through many an exam week and my GPA would never have reached such abysmal lows without it.

Here are my picks for which Disney couples would represent the 12 districts of Panem and how they would fare assuming they all get to compete as pairs.

Jasmine and Aladdin
District 1: Luxury (cave of wonders)
Aladdin's street smarts will help this pair a little and the sultan will be an important sponsor, but these 2 have little else going for them. These newlyweds will be in for a whole new world of pain when they realize that they no longer have a genie or pet tiger to protect them. I bet Aladdin really regrets freeing Robin Williams now.

Mulan and Shang Li
District 2: Weapons (swords that can defend China & cut a chic bob)
These 2 are pretty fierce. Actually, now that I think about it, being a warrior is the only thing Mulan is good at. Mulan and Shang are career tributes with army training and that gives them an edge. Mushoo will no longer be around to mess things up and they have ancestors watching over them. This could be the pair to beat.

WALL-E and EVE

District 3: Electronics (I mean...obviously)

I didn't do district 3 in the original post...not sure what that was about. But WALL-E and EVE are of course the tributes from the electronics district. Now I will say I have only seen this movie once. I maintain that WALL-E is not as good as the Gen Zers seem to think it is. Now it's not bad, but it's not great. So my main insight here is that being actual electronics themselves will either be a huge advantage or an immediate death sentence, depending on the arena.

Ariel and Prince Eric
District 4: Fishing (duh...unda da sea)
King Triton is a very powerful man who could be an important sponsor of this couple IF he forgives Ariel. Ariel will naturally have legs for the games, so Triton may have disowned her, who knows? But you can't discount Ariel's affinity for finding new uses for everyday objects, that skill could make her a threat. Prince Eric has no discernible personality traits so...honestly he could just sail under the radar?

Belle and Beast
District 5: Power (Belle-powerful mind, Beast-the strength of a wild animal, 'cause he is one)
Beast will be in human form for the games, which will definitely hurt this couple's chances. But Belle has read like every book ever written. I would liken her to Foxface, very sly and clever. She knows plenty, but being able to implement it and use it against the others could be a different story. I just don't see Belle being able to win a fight, she is French after all. Even though I love France now, this joke is still hilarious.

Cinderella and Prince Charming #1
District 6: Transportation (pumpkin carriage, remember?)
Unless Cinderella can clean the competition to death, these guys don't have a chance. Cinderella is helpless without her fairy godmother and now that she is living happily ever after, she is no longer entitled to supernatural help (it's in the fine print). And what can Charming 1 do? Maybe, just maybe, he can use his acute sense of foot size and shape to track the other tributes or animals, but who is going to do the killing? Bibbidi Bobbidi Losers.

Megara and Hercules
District 7: Lumber (because pottery wasn't an option)
Hercules is obviously the Peeta of Disney(I don't know why I said this but it doesn't feel wrong, per se), and his strength definitely gives this couple an edge. But all Meg knows how to do is be a snarky damsel in distress, and Hercules having to pick up her slack could put them behind. The gods will likely choose not to get involved to avoid a family feud, what with King Triton being Poseidon's son and all. It really is a small world after all.

Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming #2
District 8: Textiles (her fairy godmothers do all the sewing)
What advantage could Aurora have? She will have to compete with Snow for control of the woodland creatures, losing them could really hurt her. And if Aurora and Charming 2 can't secure a safe place to sleep it will be game over. At least this Charming has an element of bravery. After battling a dragon, Charming 2 will have the upper hand over his competition should any muttations appear.

Tiana and Prince Naveen

District 9: Grain (beignets are a carb)

I also left out district 9 in my first take, IDK 2013 was a weird time. Naveen will compete as a human and I see no reason why Ray couldn't accompany them, just for funsies. Tiana was willing to kiss a frog to secure the bag so you better believe she has her sights set on a win. And I don't think we can completely rule voodoo out so that's fun!

Esmeralda and Quasimodo
District 10: Livestock (her only friend is a goat)
Quasimodo's only talent is parkouring on Gothic buildings, which I doubt will be in the arena. Esmerelda could always perform some street magic to elude the other tributes, but there will be no sanctuary available. Esmeralda, while totally Disney's Glimmer, is not as feisty or likely to succeed.

Pocahontas and John Smith
District 11: Agriculture (it should be obvious)
John would probably be the first to die if not for Pocahontas. Pocahontas would be really good at handling the elements and living off the land, but is it enough to just out survive everyone? Keep in mind that this pair could hide and then ambush others because Pocahontas can paint like Peeta. No word yet on whether an "all the colors of the wind" palette will be included in the cornucopia.

Snow White and Prince Charming #3
District 12: Mining (hi ho, hi ho)
Snow and Charming 3 are another couple that would seem less than likely to win (Yes, I'm on a first name basis with them). But an important thing to remember is that Snow has 7 super rich friends. The dwarfs (this is the plural of dwarf that Walt went with ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) are miners, they have lots of diamonds. This could make them very important sponsors. Also, Snow is used to watching her back. Her defense is gonna be pretty good, but with no offensive strategy this couple could be in trouble.