FTV I Suck. Sorry.

FROM THE VAULT

I am going to keep highlighting my additions in pink because I just can't help myself.

I want to start off by apologizing for not posting last week. And please understand that I went back and forth about issuing an apology. If I say I'm sorry for not posting and it turns out there are only two people reading my blog and they are both related to me, that's just embarrassing. But if I don't apologize, I'm a jerk. So I'm placing my relationship with blog viewers who may or may not exist above my reputation and self-image. You're welcome.

And another thing...you might be thinking, "Oh, she finished her sophomore year of college last week and was moving back home, there was a lot going on, that's why she didn't post." Not true. I was so sleep-deprived from finals and moving and studying and driving and packing and all the things that I literally did not know what day it was until Wednesday was over. So there.

To make up for last week, I am just going to make this week's post extra-awesome, if that is even possible. Here's a try. Following is a list of signs that you are addicted to shopping. I have experienced each of these. In the past week.

You Know You Have a Shopping Problem When:

• You try to purchase an item you are currently wearing in a different color. It's because you're already wearing that item...we ALL buy the same piece of clothing in multiple colors.
• You can't tell which fits better, so you buy something in 2 different sizes. And keep them both because somedays you're feeling skinny and some days you're on your period.
• You start buying things that aren't your size because it's a deal.
• You buy birthday, Christmas, wedding, and baby shower gifts months in advance.
• You start giving presents on made up holidays like Arbor Day and Canada Day.
• You get a second job so you can shop more.
• Whenever a friend asks if you want to hang out you assume that means shopping.
• You drive to another state to shop.
• You crave mall food.
• You get a binder for your coupons.
• You sell old things online to buy new things.
• You say things like "If I don't buy groceries this week, I can go shopping."
• You have to move something in your closet with price tags still on it to fit more new stuff.
• You keep a strapless bra in your purse at all times for trying on dresses and tank tops.
• The sales associates at Target and TJ Maxx know you by name and credit card number.
• You memorize the phone number of your bank from moving money from savings to checking often. LOL this is so outdated now that every bank has an app. I'm so old.
• You keep protein bars in your purse so you can shop for hours without getting tired. TBH this is just a good practice, I stand by this.
• You no longer need a calculator to figure out how much 20% off is.
• You know where all the cleanest bathrooms are at your favorite malls and stores.
• You add trophy wife to your list of career aspirations because then shopping would be your job.
• Friends ask you to be their personal shopper.
• Other customers think you work at Belk because they see you there so often. 

• You become familiar with each store's coupon and discount policies. EX: Hobby Lobby does not have a teacher discount, at Kroger coupons will double, at Jo-Ann the teacher discount is on top of store discounts.
• You exclusively make your Amazon returns at Kohl's so you will get a Kohl's coupon.
• You are both irresponsible enough to purchase some makeup from Pat McGrath Labs, and poor enough to save the sequins that come in the packaging for your sewing supplies.
• You get excited to visit one of your favorite stores in another city because they might have merchandise that is out of stock at your home store.
• You automatically delete emails that don't have the subject line "congratulations your order has shipped."
• You place an online order while you currently have an online order from the same company in the mail somewhere. This excludes Amazon obviously.