FTV Dumbest Sayings Ever...And Why I Could Do Much Better

FROM THE VAULT

Boy did this NOT age well. But most of this post was completely fine. I added some to make up for the lost content and the good news is, I hear new dumb sayings every day. This is a topic with legs!

How many times have you said "literally" to explain something that was not actually true? I literally do it everyday. So here is a list I've compiled of some things I've overheard people saying that make me want to punch them in the face, along with an appropriate replacement. Feel free to revise your vocabulary accordingly.

Irregardless
This. Is. Not. A. Word.
replacement - Regardless.

You can't lose something that was never yours.
Of course you can! I am completely crushed every time I remember that Jason Momoa isnn't married to me. That fact that we have never dated, or met, does nothing to soothe my pain!
replacement - Let's go get ice cream.

Where did you last have it?

Well either A) I don't know or B) I already looked there. Who is this helping?

replacement - Let's go get ice cream. (this is really a go to phrase)

and in a similar vein...I found it in the last place I looked.
Really? Because I like to keep looking for things after I've found them. Shouldn't it be assumed that once you find a lost item...the search ends?
replacement - I found it, and thus immediately stopped looking for it.

YOLO
Does this really need to be explained? My main issue with YOLO is that people use it in contexts that are not actually life-threatening. Middle schoolers, for instance, always attach YOLO to something completely unrelated like "Painting my nails, YOLO." How would you feel if you read a tweet that said "Not taking my insulin today, YOLO"? So only use YOLO when dispensing valuable safety advice.
replacement - Don't drink and drive, YOLO.

There are no stupid questions.
100% false, there are, in fact, completely moronic questions. Some days I would argue that the vast majority of questions are stupid. My favorite example of a stupid question: "Are you sunburnt?" No, my natural skin color is fluorescent red.
replacement - There are no stupid questions, only stupid people asking questions.

To be fair.

Again the issue here is how people use it. This phrase is meant to add relevant information that may change someone's opinion of a situation. It is NOT a segue into a personal and completely unrelated defense. What I hear a lot is along the lines of, "to be fair, that's not true," or "to be fair, I didn't mean it that way." We already know how you feel. That's not being fair. It's being biased.

replacement - To be fair, he couldn't come because he's on parole and the lizard's birthday party was out of state.