This Queen Was Crossed

If you've spoken to me since April 2022, you have likely gotten an EARFUL about King's Cross. If you haven't spoken to me since then, you're about to get an eyeful.

We were in London for approximately 22 hours. 14ish waking hours. Subtract an hour for the bus ride from our landing spot to the actual airport - a journey made longer by the father behind us who kept reminding his toddler, "Martine, the bus is moving," therefore inadvertently reminding ME that this whole gentle parenting trend ain’t the move. Martine never did get the hint but as a kid I probably wasn't much better. My parents didn't do hints so I guess we'll never know.

Subtract another hour for all the time wasted asking Underground workers to let us through the turnstiles because our Tube tickets stopped working almost immediately and getting replacements was apparently the biggest ask since "no taxation without representation."

By the time we had checked in to our hotel, waded through all the Mr. Bean merch and seen Les Mis, we had about 5 hours to hit all the London highlights before dinner and showers and beds. We knew we couldn't make it to every location mentioned in London Boy so we made a list of the greatest hits. Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, the hotel where the Spice Girls's Wannabe was filmed, and of course, King's Cross. Our token Harry Potter stop.

It was our last stop on the way back to the area our hotel was in and I was shocked by how easy it was to find. Emily balked at the line, but this might be my last time in London for all I know. I'm not gonna NOT get my Platform 9 3/4 picture. My classroom walls aren't gonna decorate themselves, you know.

This picture was taken when I thought King's Cross was going to be something I wanted to remember. RIP.

I was really impressed with the set up. I was thinking to myself, “well I didn't bring my scarf, but I can at least get a picture with the shopping cart” (or buggy to us Americans). But they had really thought of everything. They had multiple scarves for each house so that friends could take pictures together, they had someone there to expertly wave and flick the scarf, really making some Instagram magic over there.

We hopped into what we believed to be the line, or queue as they say in the land that louves adding a U whereveur poussible. I noticed that a group of girls moved from one end of photo area to another and we wondered if maybe that was the actual line. As we debated the whole line conundrum we waited for a mother to get individual shots of both her daughters, then her own pic, then a pic with each daughter, then just the daughters, then one with the dad whose face said "I would rather be in the deathly gallows."

That family finally moved on and the group of girls took over. I complained that this was unfair, they had skipped the whole line and Emily said that she thought they were influencers. She said she recognized one girl from TikTok. Do any of y'all recognize these shoulders?

I. Was. So. Mad. This was a brand of anger I normally reserve for mid-level inconveniences. I mean I hadn't been that bent out of shape since McDonald's got rid of the pull apart donut for a second time. 

But don't worry. It gets worse. After these girls, the guy who let them skip the line announces that it's closed for the day. When someone asked what time it closed he just said that too many people had gotten their pictures done already that day. I'm sorry. Is this a non-renewable resource? Are y'all plagued by both a democracy shortage AND a brick shortage?

My main problem here is that there was no signage. When we looked up their hours later we saw that there was a 10PM Saturday closing time and I know we were at the platform well before then because Emily would NEVER be out at 10PM. If there's a sign that says "this landmark closes arbitrarily at 7:38 (do y'all not have timestamps across the pond?) today," then I can make my peace with that. But missing my one and only (so far) chance to get a picture at Platform 9 3/4 because a British baby boomer has too much power and there's possibly a TikTok influencer in the mix? Unacceptable. Ready the canons again I say. Don't let me listen to Yorktown and get hype 'cause I'm ready to fight, sort of young, a lil' scrappy and always hungry.

Oh and it gets worse again. Ever the optimist, I told Emily it's okay, I can take a selfie and a picture in front of all the props. Nope. They packed that sucker uppppp. Putting the scarves away I expected. But they also took the shopping cart. Can ya not just bolt it to the wall??? Thank God they couldn't move the platform sign. I'm honestly surprised they didn't slap a picture of Rowan Atkinson over that for good measure.

Seriously, I would have had more fun as a Stark in King's Landing. That's my review of King's Cross. 0 of 9 3/4 stars. Would not recommend unless you have more than 140 TikTok followers because apparently that's meaningless to them.