Here's the thing...asking me for guy advice is kind of like asking Casey Anthony for parenting tips. I actually have plenty of parenting advice and she, interestingly enough, does much better with the fellas. Do with that what you will.
But for the sake of continuity, I'm going to follow up my repost of Decoding Girl Texts (first published in February 2013, what a - chevron - world that was) with a guy version. Just keep in mind, I have no idea what guys mean virtually ever. When I guess, it's normally wrong and according to my therapist "catastrophizing" and "not grounded in reality." But, at the risk of sounding like another famously unlucky in love lady, Jodi Arias, I'll take a stab at it.
My interpretation: I have bad news...I am about to break up with you.
WWLS? I often ask myself, What Would Lauren Say? If you're new to the party, Lauren is my therapist. It's similar to WWJD, I just don't want to bother the risen Savior with the kind of guys I come across in the wild these days. Not exactly salt and light. More like salt and lies. Anywhoozles...Lauren would say that this is an earnest attempt to make conversation. She's so optimistic. Adorable.
My interpretation: Case closed, never bring it up again. I am unwilling to discuss this further as that might lead to interpersonal growth that would strengthen our relationship.
WWLS? Have you considered maybe it's not a big deal to him, maybe he's fine, or he doesn't care?
>>Correct. Maybe he doesn't care. ABOUT ME.
My interpretation: I cannot be bothered with proper spelling or explaining the inside joke that might somehow make this understandable.
WWLS? Maybe English is his second language or he doesn't realize that somehow his autocorrect has been compromised?
>>Yeah and MAYBE O.J.'s brakes just weren't working back in '94. Bless her heart.
My interpretation: You can expect a text back in 3-5 business days, depending on the final score.
WWLS? This is good, he's letting you know what he's up to and why he might not be as responsive right now.
>>But Lauren it's a baseball game, it could take DAYS.
My interpretation: I have the emotional depth of a teaspoon. (Or 5 milliliters if it's a British guy.)
*So context matters here. IF, God forbid, Taylor Alison Swift was in some sort of danger, and he is letting you know that she is fully out of harm, and this text is accompanied by at least a dozen 🙌 emojis, then this is a good text.
WWLS? Maybe he just doesn't like that style of music, and the bands he likes are also pretty good and have meaningful lyrics.
>>Joke's on you Lauren cause he likes twenty one pilots and now we both look stupid.
My interpretation: ...for now. Don't get comfortable.
WWLS? Do you think maybe he is being genuine, and wants to let you know that he really likes you?
>>No. No I do not.
My interpretation: This could VERY easily be the result of someone whose thumbs aren't quite long enough trying to type WTF.
WWLS? That's nice, he's asking about your day.
>>Uh huh, OR...maybe he means will you disappear? Or maybe it was supposed to go to someone else and it means woman, ya down? Or we yeeted, deuces. He might have just dumped me with 3 letters. Come on Lauren, get your head in the game!
Comments
Post a Comment