FTV More than a Message...Decoding Girl Texts
FROM THE VAULT
When I decided to relaunch my blog I was really curious to see which posts didn't age well and which held up and I have to say...I stand behind this one. I was ahead of my time.
Some may consider this sexist or misogynist, or think that it presents women as irrational. That's cute. You should hear what I have to say about text from guys. Coming Thursday!
This week I am unveiling a handbook for discerning what girls don't come out and say, but still expect you to understand. If you don't take my advice, I feel bad for you son. You'll have 99 problems but a girlfriend ain't one.
THE GOOD
"No, I don't have a boyfriend. I'm single."
The Sitch - If you don't recognize that this is an invitation, then I can't help you.
The Fix - If you weren't interested, you shouldn't have asked if she was seeing anyone. But if she just randomly says this to you within a few days of meeting you, wake up and smell the crazy.
"No, I don't have a boyfriend. I'm single."
The Sitch - If you don't recognize that this is an invitation, then I can't help you.
The Fix - If you weren't interested, you shouldn't have asked if she was seeing anyone. But if she just randomly says this to you within a few days of meeting you, wake up and smell the crazy.
"I love you"
The Sitch - She probably actually loves you, or thinks that she does anyway.
The Fix - I'm sure you think it's okay to change the subject, or wait until you're ready. And I'm here to tell you you're wrong. You have to say it back. End of story.
THE BAD
"Hi"
The Sitch - Now I can't speak for all women, but I'm going to. Chances are, if your girl texts you back "hi" after you say "hey" you've probably done something to piss her off.
The Fix - Don't even try to pretend that "hi" is the same as "hey" it's not worth it. Immediately respond with "I'm so sorry I've been a jerk lately. I don't deserve you." No matter what she was mad about, she will forgive you. Us girls are just stupid that way.
The Sitch - She probably actually loves you, or thinks that she does anyway.
The Fix - I'm sure you think it's okay to change the subject, or wait until you're ready. And I'm here to tell you you're wrong. You have to say it back. End of story.
THE BAD
"Hi"
The Sitch - Now I can't speak for all women, but I'm going to. Chances are, if your girl texts you back "hi" after you say "hey" you've probably done something to piss her off.
The Fix - Don't even try to pretend that "hi" is the same as "hey" it's not worth it. Immediately respond with "I'm so sorry I've been a jerk lately. I don't deserve you." No matter what she was mad about, she will forgive you. Us girls are just stupid that way.
"Wow"
The Sitch - She is not actually impressed, unless by impressed you mean amazed that you could be so unbelievably stupid. You likely said something that was really insensitive. Or looked at another girl. Or took a long time to text back. Or chew too loudly. If she's in one of those moods, it really could be anything.
The Fix - Offer her something. It's the only way to distract her from your idiotic behavior. This will make you seem considerate and gentlemanly. She will forget what she was mad about. Until the next time you do it of course.
THE UGLY
"Whatever"
The Sitch - I know what you're thinking. You probably think that "whatever" basically means "I hate you" no matter what gender says it. And that's where you're an idiot. When a girl says "whatever" she is no longer trying to elicit a response from you. This is a very bad sign.
The Fix - There is currently no known cure.
The Sitch - She is not actually impressed, unless by impressed you mean amazed that you could be so unbelievably stupid. You likely said something that was really insensitive. Or looked at another girl. Or took a long time to text back. Or chew too loudly. If she's in one of those moods, it really could be anything.
The Fix - Offer her something. It's the only way to distract her from your idiotic behavior. This will make you seem considerate and gentlemanly. She will forget what she was mad about. Until the next time you do it of course.
THE UGLY
"Whatever"
The Sitch - I know what you're thinking. You probably think that "whatever" basically means "I hate you" no matter what gender says it. And that's where you're an idiot. When a girl says "whatever" she is no longer trying to elicit a response from you. This is a very bad sign.
The Fix - There is currently no known cure.
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